Diego Sanchez

Just watched UFC Fight Night 6.

Diego, Diego, Diego… where do I begin? On the day that Diego was born, God was there to distribute brains, and just as He was about to fill his little noggin, Diego must’ve shot in for a double-leg.

How can a grappling savant be so fucking retarded? I mean we’re talking about an individual who can sense, process, and solve incredibly complex spatial problems in a fractions of a second. Yet every time he opens his mouth to say something, he sounds like a second-grader who just poopied his pants. I joke about how retarded he is, but seriously… does anyone else think that maybe he really is mentally retarded? He’s definitely got ‘tard strength.

In addition to the ‘tard strength, he also never gets tired. It’s like he’s so dumb that his body doesn’t realize how oxygen-starved it is, so he just keeps going. I’ve coined it Tardioâ„¢. That’s right, you heard it here first.

If he’s looking for a challenge, screw the UFC. Right now the only thing I want to see is Diego Sanchez in a third grade spelling bee. It’ll be like a nightmare, Diego… a nightmare that won’t end until you get the bell. You can ask for word origins, you can ask for it to be used in a sentence… but no matter what, you will lose.