Cynthia You Rothrock My World

March 27, 2006

Cynthia Rothrocks my world.
It’s not a bad scan, she has really bad skin.

Stumbled upon this beauty on the google image search. Everyone remember Cynthia Rothrock? She was the hottest martial arts babe in the 80′s and partway into the 90′s. I dunno what happened… maybe the collective kung-fu movie watching world woke up one morning and did the proverbial roll-over. Were we all drunk?? There was a *GASP* all in unison that day as we scrambled to put our pants back on and hide the tissues. I for one feel utterly bamboozled by this woman.

Admittedly, as a prebubescent boy I found her intriguing. Wow.. she has big tits AND she could spin kick me to death. Mind you it wasn’t that she was hot. She was kinda average. It was arousing and petrifying at the same time. But now that I am older and no longer spending the majority of my time fighting acne, I can look at the photo above, and feel genuine nausea.

Here’s how the biography on her official website opens:

Cynthia Rothrock is one of the greatest martial arts/action film stars in the world

BTW, her site is way hot edgy astonishingly hideous. But let’s not get distracted by that. Return now to the above quote. If by “greatest”, you mean appearing in and producing as many god-awful films as possible in the span of two decades, then maybe. I mean really… that is a bold statement. What makes a person a great film star is how they influence the culture or the field of expertise. Did her efforts improve the martial arts? Did her efforts change our cultural understanding of anything?! I would argue not… except maybe confirming that bulging musculature on women is genuinely unattractive. Even her tits are rippling… oh wait, that’s just the silicone bag wrinkling. Want more? Hiyaaaaa!!

More Rothrock

Granted, the martial arts are largely a male-dominated sport, and some hand-clapping is in order here. Although it’s arguable that she’s really a woman. That’s for another post, though. Cynthia has, according to that same bio, been inducted into several completely useless Halls of Fame. But it seems to me that the best way to undo all the acclaim and respect you may gain as a competitive martial artist is to make bad martial arts movies.

The Hong Kong productions that she appeared in were actually decent. But every film done by Americans during that time… for lack of a better term… sucked ass. Takes a lot of balls [tee hee!] to dare to unleash this kind of crap upon the world.

Here’s an excerpt from Undefeatable. The comments on Amazon.com made us laugh hysterically.